Time changes everything, even you and I have changed
Evanesco
a guy who wrote blog, do judge me because i don't care
“mother knows best”
Subtle mind
Thursday, May 11, 2017 || 11:31 AM
*blows off dusty blog*
I'm back after 2 years, Pretty much I'll say, I'm whole new different person now. Why ? Time changed me, but memories kept the same. Matured is not the right word to describe but ; grown up is a more accurate phrase (?) because how can I be mature with this ? At least I can sort out things better than the old me. Every one grows up but with different directions of course. A lot of things have been bugging my mind lately but I can't resolve it; not by talking but by writing. One of my friends bought up the bloggy thing and I eventually find where to resolve my thoughts.
So, where should I begin......
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I'm making line bcs it will be a different stuff to talk about. Years passing by and I encountered a lot of things, wether it's nice or bad it all leave a deep wounded scar, huge mess of confusion, happiness, those thing could change. From a scar to a happiness or vice versa. People change but memories doesn't yes, but the way we reminiscing the memories will change; eventually. I noticed that I became a quite different person. I became rather quiet, not wanted to be disturb so much, hate noises and wanted to be in a peace situation most of the time. There were time that I had to confronted with people ; relatives, friends moreover strangers .. I became.....incredibly awkward. My mouth shut tight, my eyes kept evading contacts, wanted to avoid all sorts of conversations and etc. RIP social skill really lol. I'm keen to be with my laptop or source of internet most of the time. At first, it's an escapism from the real world, but now this escapism is my world. It's not I'm addictive af but it's just I rather be alone and not be disturb. I speak, through mind not words. I became scared. What if I said something wrong ? What if I did something weird ? Why am I even talking about this ? Do you need to ask this ? Can you shut up ? All those unnecessary thoughts flows constantly. Bad or good judge me. You got your points I got mine. Everyone wins because we could never understand someone's life bcs simply it's not yours.
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2 years ago, in a class my teacher said "Do you believe in bestfriends ? Like do they really exists ? Friends who you cherish for a long time ?" Those words bugged me up untill now. Back then, I disagree her words. Like why ? Don't you have one ? And apparently I understand now. Bestfriends are very rare indeed. Those who will stay with you with all bittersweet moments, never talk ill of you, evade all sorts of misunderstanding, never make you mad or if it happens will feel burdened through time and apologize. That is my understanding of a 'best friend' People come and go, and they changed. So much thing changed that you can't even notice you are changing. I say this to myself not to the others. It's not that I'm abandoned, nor abandoning people.
There are 'friends' but you can't tell them how you feel. There are 'friends' that can help you but you didn't said anything. There are 'friends' but you sat out of everything. There are 'friends' but you kept waiting for them to actually see you. Trust issues or friend issues ? The title 'friend' is a hard thing to give too these days. Backstabbers are everywhere. A fake friend are much worst than a enemy. Even though I didn't experience myself (right now) but I know how things go around. Maybe they talked behind my back but it's okay. I had enough. I need both my feet, my own strength to stand. I don't need your argument or words to breathe. It's okay. Leave if you hate, stay if you trust. Simple ? As if. Why can't we be genuine with what we spoke and what we felt ? It's hard right ? It's a pity....to those who had been lied, to those who have their hopes to a wrong person, to those who had been turned down, left out. Sometimes, something is not worthy for our self but we didn't know why and what. That how life works, it doesn't go with everything we wished for.
p/s I'm not having any trouble with anyone
Truth hurts, but living in lies are more painful. We all just need the courage to do something.