Assalamualaikum.

So how are you guys doing through the doing. Hope you guys are feeling well. So, my hearts ached to write about this thing. Idk why but i felt i changed this year. From someone to someone else literally. Sorry but i like to use english when im about to describe my feelings. Bukan tak sayang bahasa ibunda ♥ tp ntah kenapa lol . 

Tbh, past years, i used to be an emo guy (eventho not so obvious) . I used to lay down on the bed and think what makes myself weak and useless and yes i cried. Throughout the year, atleast a month i did this silly thing. When i think about that , i laughed at myself. It was soooooooooo ridiculous. I felt so hopeless. but from what i know, sadness is one of the devil's game. am not sure if the other feelings included tho. when i think about those dumb things like how unfair this world to me , why am i left out , why this why that why why why. But seriously this thing cant be take too often. It is depressful. This is one of my fear going to mjsc last month. Afraid that im not going to make friends. But i tried and alhamdulillah it works :) At old old school , i tried to be an outgoing person but kept ignored by many peoples which make me annoyed. Starting from that , i stop hoping that i can make friends at high school. Other than my classmates and some other friends, im afraid to be with them. I cant bring conversation to a long conversation eventho we just met. For some ppl think "thats normal" yes now i think that is normal. Im so greedy to know everyone and i want to be noticed by other ppl. But i was dumb. It went wrong. not to mention imm always envious.

Last year, i tried hard to think positive. And i think i made it , Kalau dah rasa down sangat, aku cuba lupakan semua bnda yang buat aku down. Dulu aku igt, sehari tu aku muram. baring je seharian tu. then ada chat ws masuk. then i laughed a bit and magically aku dh lupa semua tu. masa aku tgh emo sesorang tu aku rasa tenang and yet painful. but naww its not the thing. just a lil bit connection with someone else would make things different . aku jarang or maybe tk prnah lgsung luah perasaan dkt org. dgr lagu sedih then emo smpai sakit kepala. tapi alhamdulillah aku overcome depression ni sengsorang (walaupun tkla depressful sgt) . kalau diri tu rasa lemah, family ada . kawan ada . certain ppl malu nk bersuara macam aku jadi try to forget all those things. release tension tu bagi makan normal. bukan makin syahdu. aku selalu jugak dgr lagu lpstu try lupakan semua tu. tulis blog ni pn luahkan perasaan la agaknya lol. lps aku lalui semua tu. aku rasa macam aku tkleh tgk org yg alami bnda sama. macam "dude nooo" 

my shoulders are always free for you to cry and wail. my ears are always open to hear your story :)